I want to make a zoo with you.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
