sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Girls should come with a carfax report
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
