I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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