you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
