i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
