There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
