My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
