Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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