we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
