if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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