i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
