The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
