How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
