All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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