You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
