Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
