i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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