dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it because I queefed?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
