apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
