So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
