I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
