Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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