I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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