I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
