After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
