New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
