is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
