Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
