i barfeds in our rink
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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