She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
