I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
