My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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