There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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