i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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