i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
