Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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