I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
