WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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