I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
