he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
