the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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