Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
