So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
