i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
