Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
