And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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