Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
