I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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