Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
