Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
