Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
