The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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