best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
