Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
